


A Therapeutic Chain of Events

by kcracken



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-09
Updated: 2013-08-09
Packaged: 2017-12-22 23:04:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcracken/pseuds/kcracken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the concert in Nashville, Brendon receives a phone call from an old friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Therapeutic Chain of Events

Brendon was sprawled on the couch in the lounge of the bus. They were just pulling out of Nashville, the first concert he’d ever played _without_ Spencer. He had done pretty well on stage, letting that persona take over, flirting mercilessly with Dallon and the crowd. But now, here in the quiet of the bus with nothing but his thoughts as company, it was hitting him hard. How the fuck had he not known? There had to be signs. Spencer had to fuck up more than once, right? How did he not know that his best friend was so fucked up on drugs and alcohol?

He buried his face in his hands, trying not to worry. Fuck, he was probably a huge contributor to Spencer’s alcoholism. The last tour, he’d had a beer on stage constantly. Spencer probably had, too. The fucking signs were there, and he’d missed them.

The ring of his cell phone broke the silence on the bus. He nearly hit the roof when it went off. Fumbling for his phone, he looked to see who it was and his eyes widened. He swiped the screen to answer the call. “Hey,” he said.

There was a pause. “You okay?” It was Ryan.

Brendon wanted to lie. Lying was easy for Ryan and Spencer, it seemed. He’d never been good at lying, except to himself. But as much as he wanted to lie to Ryan, he knew he couldn’t. “No.”

There was more silence, a much longer pause before Ryan spoke again. “You wanna talk about it?”

Brendon sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He lay down on the couch, knees bent, and threw his arm over his eyes. “I don’t know,” he said. “Did you know?”

“We don’t really talk as much anymore,” Ryan admitted. “But that’s not to say that I didn’t think something was wrong. He’s really good at hiding things.”

“No fuck,” Brendon spat and immediately regretted it. “Sorry. Fuck. It was so fucking hard tonight, him not being behind the kit.”

“I know what you mean.” Ryan did know how he felt. He remembered it when The Young Veins were recording. He’d referred to Nick as Spencer so many times that Jon had to take him aside and remind him that Spencer wasn’t in his band anymore. That had been the wakeup call for Ryan. He was no longer in a band with his best friend.

Brendon tucked his toes between the cushions of the couch. “When did he tell you?” Brendon honestly wanted to know.

“When he got out of rehab. He called to tell me; confessed the whole thing. Said he wished I had been there, that maybe I would have noticed because of my dad.” Ryan choked on his words. Saying it out loud was a lot harder than he’d expected. The thing was, Ryan had noticed. He’d noticed how much Spencer was drinking before the band even split. 

But even Ryan had missed the most important part: the prescription drugs. He had no idea that Spencer was on vicodin and pain killers, and worse, was taking them with alcohol. But he wasn’t around him all the time then. Spencer had been a mess when he’d told Ryan about his dad. He’d done everything he could to console him, but Ryan had never been good at that. After that, he hadn’t really seen Spencer much.

“Do you…” Brendon rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you think you would have?”

Ryan swallowed hard. Would he have really noticed? “Maybe?” he answered. “I mean, he was drinking a lot before I left.” He winced as he said that. It was still a little bit of a sore spot between them.

“Yeah, but not really at an alcoholic’s level, right?”

Ryan didn’t want to answer. He really didn’t, because if he did, he’d be saying that Brendon was an alcoholic, too. But to be honest, there towards the end, maybe they all were alcoholics. 

“Right?” Brendon repeated with a frantic tone to his voice.

Ryan sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe? We all were drinking pretty heavily those days with all the tension that was going on.” Why in the hell did he call Brendon? This was not the conversation he expected he would be having. He was just going to say hi, tell Brendon he was sorry about Spencer, say that if he needed anything to call (which he knew he wouldn’t) and that would be it. But now they were delving into their past which Ryan had tried so hard to forget.

It was Brendon’s turn to sigh. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

Okay, that was a shock. “It wasn’t just you,” Ryan replied just as soft. He glanced over in the corner at his guitars. No, it wasn’t _just_ Brendon, just like it wasn’t _just_ him. It was all of them.

“I know, but I don’t think I’ve ever apologized for my involvement.”

“Well then, thanks.”

Brendon switched the phone to his other ear and let his hand fall to the floor of the bus, grabbing the t-shirt he had carelessly dropped there when they’d gotten on the bus. His fingers entangled in the material then he clinched his hand into a fist. “D’you think this’ll be the end of Panic?” He tried to keep his voice steady, but the thought completely scared the shit out of him. What would he do without the band?

“That’s all you, Bren. After all, it’s your band now.” There was no bitterness to Ryan’s voice. It had been Brendon’s band from the moment he and Spencer had asked him to sing lead and found out that his voice was golden. Ryan had to admit that he’d been jealous then, but with how confident Brendon had sung his lyrics, he was glad to have him. 

“It’s always been yours and Spence’s, Ry. I was the intruder.”

“Bullshit,” Ryan spat. “We wouldn’t have become anything if it hadn’t been for you.”

“We wouldn’t have had the chance to become anything if you hadn’t stalked Pete.”

Ryan laughed. “Okay, you have a point.”

Brendon smiled. He missed Ryan’s laugh. His mind showed him a vision of Ryan laughing which just made it all that much better. “What made you call?” he asked after another quiet moment.

“Spencer called me.”

Brendon sat up quickly. Spencer had called Ryan? “When?”

“When he landed in LA,” Ryan replied. “Said he wanted me to know. I texted him before you guys left for Boston, asking him to make sure he was okay with this, reminding him what tour was like. He said he was okay, but I guess he wasn’t.”

“It feels like it’s my fault.”

“Fuck, Bren. Stop it. It’s not your fault. It’s not his, either. He thought he was stronger. Fuck, even _I_ thought he was stronger.” Ryan sighed. Spencer was always the strong one, right? But he wasn’t really. “But he knows he isn’t ready yet. At least he realized it before it got bad again.”

“Do you know how hard it was to _not_ stop the tour? I wanted to. Fuck.” A hand went through his hair again as he leaned over and put his elbows on his knees. “The fans… I was afraid they’d all be pissed again.”

“Some are,” Ryan said. Yeah, he knew. He saw the comments and shit. “But those aren’t the ones who matter. There are a lot more who are backing Spencer and you. You have to keep going. You have an album to promote after all. And Pete would slaughter you if you backed out on their arena tour.”

Brendon chuckled. “Yeah. Maybe I can convince Andy or Patrick to play with us one night.”

“That would totally freak out the fans,” Ryan laughed. 

There was a rather companionable silence this time. Brendon was actually pretty glad Ryan had called. “Hey, man, thanks for calling. This totally helped.”

“I’m glad.” Ryan paused for just a moment this time. “If you, you know, need to talk, just call me.”

“I will,” Brendon replied honestly. “You will look after Spence for me, yeah?”

“Yeah. Hey, Bren?”

“Yeah?”

“Good luck with your tour and album.”

Brendon smiled to himself. “Thanks, Ry. Talk to you soon.” They disconnected and Brendon stared at his phone. That had been a really unexpected phone call that turned out really well. He turned his phone over in his hand several times before unlocking the screen and making a call.

The phone rang a couple of times before she answered. “Hey babe,” he said. “You’ll never believe who I just got off the phone with.” He leaned back on the couch, smiling brightly as he talked to Sarah about his conversation with Ryan.

_Should have known right from the start you can't predict the end._ \- Memories, Panic! at the Disco

**Author's Note:**

> Since my Spencer muses have abandoned me to go support the real Spencer, my Brendon and Ryan muses needed to talk about the situation. While I'm sure this probably had no truth to it, I still hope that maybe a bit just might be. Get well soon, Spencer. The muses and I love and miss you.


End file.
